Born Eater

Weekly accomplishments

2011-03-11T15:05:00.003+11:00

Ok so keeping track daily isn't working, but a weekly reflection on some awesome things I did? Let's see how that goes!

Im reflecting from last Friday to Friday lunch time

Things I did awesome!

I went to the gym twice this week. That's 100% more often than the week before
I rode to and/or from work 4 times this week
I started running again
I tried my first class at the new gym - boxing! I was intimidated for the first few minutes then I realised I'm not nearly as unfit as I thought and remembered how much I LOVE boxing
I stopped myself from eating extra after dinner once. It was really hard, but I did it and felt so proud when I woke up
Everytime I overate I didn't beat myself up. Instead I focused on how it made me feel (mostly lethargic, full and sick!) and thought about what i could do better/differently next time.
I went shopping early one morning and bought lots of nice food when it would have been just as easy to sleep in
I've been a little more organised around the house, spending more time cleaning and organising than usual
I remembered to drink a glass of water most mornings with breakfast
Have set myself some realistic goals of what to work on next week rather than expecting too much of myself.

Things I can work on

I overestimated how much I could eat a few times - for example last Friday I ate a huge pork katsu don and then a mcflurry. I felt so full! I could have had half of the katsu don and then a billabong ice cream instead. i would have been just as satisfied
I ate extra after dinner most nights when I didn't really need it.
I would have gone to the gym 3 ngihts this week but I'm coming down with a flu, today. I want to start taking multi vitamins and eating more vegatables to combat this
More water! I really think this will help with my overall well being and eating at night.
Be a little more organised - ie spend some of my night cleaning rather than just sitting and eating and watching TV.
I keep weighing myself even though I said I wouldn't. Need to put those scales away!

Re-evaluating

2011-03-03T13:14:00.003+11:00

It's been a long time since I've written here. In the last week I had somewhat of a revelation. Because of that revelation I have given up weight watchers, given up points counting, and given up feeling bad about myself.

Life is too short to hate myself all the time.

It's also too short to be a slave to food.

So, right now I'm focusing on intuitive eating. When I want to eat I ask myself what I want, I ask myself if I'm hungry and I act based on that.

I've also realised taht emotional eating isn't actually a bad thing.

mindless eating, a eating instead of dealing with issues 100% of the time and binge eating, however, aren't the greatest and that's what life's too short for. BUT, if I mess up - I'm not going to beat myself up.

I am fixing my relationship with food.

Right now I'm keen to track what I eat just out of curiosity - but i'm worried the habit of tracking will let me fall back into old habits. Will I beat myself up if I see a few too much chocolate on there? I don't know.

I'm going to try and keep track and if I feel myself getting upset or stressed out by the process, I'll stop.

Today I've eaten

Oats with skim milk, skim yogurt and sultanas - normal serve
Coles nut muesli bar (with chocolate - delicious!)
Wholemeal hummus, turkey and brie sandwhich - didn't go over the top with the brie!
Passionfruit yogurt - low fat
4 small pieces of french bread with dip, oil, pickles, sundried tomatoes etc
1 x pot of beer
1 x large prawn pita pizza
2 x serves of weght watchers chocolates pudding
2 glasses of water
1 glass of fizzy drink

Exercise

Nada!

Join me on Tumblr

2010-05-18T19:56:00.001+10:00

For those of you that might be checking back here, I've discovered that tumblr is a much better platform for my ad hoc posting.

If you'd like to keep up with me, you can join me at borneater

http://borneater.tumblr.com/

Trying really hard

2010-05-13T11:36:00.002+10:00

I had a very emotional weekend and as such haven't been tracking or exercising at all this week. I know that if I did I would feel better and more in control, but honestly, I needed a break.

I am not giving up on this blog and I will endeavor to get back on track next week.

I am stopping WW meetings. I know it might not be the best decision but I need a break from that too. The last few weeks they've been repeating meeting topics that we'd only just covered and personally I feel that's a waste of my time and money.

I am really keen to get back into running despite still having ankle issues so I'll be downloading the C25K podcast this week and getting that started first thing Monday.

I'll also be visiting my mum and best friend in Hobart this weekend. I really need to get away from Melbourne and some of the people in it. I love it here, but I need the comfort of my home town as much as possible right now.

I have started a tumblr where I'll be posting a photo of everything I eat. borneater.tumblr.com

I've been doing Photo A Day over at my other tumbler (emmaleesharp.tumblr.com) and so far I've actually managed to post 3 days in a row which is impressive so I'm hoping I can keep it up. I am quite forgetful though!

Anyway I'll try very hard over the next week to get back on plan. I owe it to myself!

I can't face it

2010-05-08T08:52:00.000+10:00

I'm up on the scale and I feel bloated and disgusting. I had such a good week and I ruined it last night by getting drunk and coming home and eating four crumpets slathered in butter.

I can't go to yet another meeting and put on weight. I just can't. It will break my heart. I know I did so much better, it's not about the number on the scale, so I don't see why I should have to look at it. See the look of the weigher as she jots down a number almost identical or more than last week, sit in a meeting learning about stuff I already know (and was covered less than 4 weeks ago, get your act together) I just can't do it today. I feel gross.

I'm skipping my meeting. I'm going to clean my house, go out and eat a super healthy breakfast. Go shopping for vegies, go opshopping and then have a quiet night in because I spent all my money.

On the upside - I had a great night last night and I wouldn't trade it.

Goals for Week 2 May

2010-05-07T08:53:00.001+10:00

This first week of May my focus was really on getting my eating back on track. And I have to say, despite not sticking to everything 100% I've really made some head way. Not one single binge this week! I've really been listening to my body and focusing on what I need. If I'm hungry I eat, if I'm not I don't. I've been making some pretty good choices too.

In the second week I want to stick with that - obviously trying harder to stick with 19 points every day, but mainly just avoiding binges and bad choices, but I really want to get back to exercise.

I've only really managed 3 workouts this week - it used to be 6 days a week! And I loved it!

So my plan is to go to every early morning class I can. I need to train my body into getting up early and getting fit so I guess this is a bit like my own boot camp.

Saturday: Circuit
Sunday: Yoga and Futsal
Monday: Body Attack
Tuesday: Boxing circuit
Wednesday: Body Attack
Thursday: Rest (after gig)
Friday: Body step

I wont necessarily push myself in every class - I need to listen to my body. My only aim is to show up!

Also, I really need to start drinking more water. I'm taking a bottle with me today in the hopes that that will help.

Almost the end of week 1

2010-05-06T10:02:00.002+10:00

The first week of May has gone off reasonably well.

I will admit that I haven't stuck to my food plan 100% and have gone over by up to 6-7 points on some days, generally 2-3 on others. However, I feel much more in control of my eating and I haven't binged once.

I have generally stuck to my exercise though I realise now that my fitness levels aren't what they used to be. I only managed about 17 minutes on the exercise bike. Rather than aiming for 40 minutes, I aim to add a minute to each turn on the bike. Today I'm aiming for 18 minutes!

I have felt *really* hungry all the time this week so I've decided to try and figure out why.

I have set up a spreadsheet for May to map my energy levels and mood. In the spreadsheet I make a note of which week I am into my cycle, jot down 2-3 words to describe my general mood for the week, rate my energy levels and health for the week out of 10 and then make a note of my average daily points intake and average daily points earnt through exercise.

It'll be interesting to see how the amount of food I eat and exercise I do effects my mood and energy levels and vice versa. I'm particularly interested to see how I rate my health during my cycle and whether the exercise and food levels effect how I feel during my cycle. It's all so interconnected! I will post the first results on Saturday.

Hello!

2010-05-04T11:18:00.002+10:00

I posted something up on Sunday but stupidly put it on the wrong blog! Damn multiple Gmail accounts.

Aaaanyway, I'm very pleased to report that the weekend was a big success. I stayed on plan, made adjustments where necessary, didn't binge, did all my planned exercise and feel *really* proud of myself.

Monday was also quite good, though I did drink a little too much wine and probably had a few too many roast potatoes at my friends house! But again, I didn't binge and I adjusted my points during the day to accomodate this.

Today I feel a little hungover, though. which in turn make me feel *very* hungry! I doubled up on breakfast because I had a fair few spare points, had a muffin first thing at work and I still feel like I could eat a horse. Every time I get a hungr pang I have a big drink of water which will hopefully tide me over until lunch. I don't really have any options - I have no money and there's only candy to eat.

Wish me luck!

Another month, another fresh start

2010-05-01T11:51:00.002+10:00

This past week wasn't great. Too sick for exercise, hungry all the time, didn't care.

I put on 800gms.

But it's a new month and a new week and armed with my A-Z of Motivation I can do this.

I would love to be down to 66kg by the end of the month. This is ambitious but doable.

This morning I went to the gym, despite my ankle being quite sore and despite feeling a little faint from being sick. I thought, after my warm up, that maybe I'd made the wrong decision. I really wasn't well at all. But I decided to stick it out and take it easy and I'm so glad I did. I felt good by the end of it. We have a new instructor for the next few weeks and a change really was as good as a holiday.

After that was WW meeting. Today was all about portion control. I'm not sure what's happening with meetings but we covered portion control about 5 weeks ago, and next week apparently we're talking about the energy deficit which we talked about only 3 weeks ago! A bit strange but I'm going to stick it out. I want to be member of the month for May which means attending every meetingn and losing just 1% of my starting weight which is less than 1kg for me. I know I can do it.

Because I'm now over 69kg I've had to reset my goals from my motivation page.

It now looks a little like this;

Goal 1: 68.5kg Reward: Small plant from IKEA
Goal 2: 68kg Reward: Magazine
Goal 3: 67.5kg Reward: Bikini Wax
Goal 4: 67kg Reward: Chinese massage
Goal 5: 66.5kg: Reward: New make up
Goal 6: 66 kg: Reward: New shoes

I have a fellow WW'er coming round for dinner. I'm having low fat hummous and corn chips for entree, lamb roganjosh with rice from the WW website for mains and fresh strawberries with greek yogurt and honey for dessert. I bought a bottle of wine as well, I'm limiting myself to two glasses.

Lots of exercised planned for this weekend, too! I'm really looking forward to getting back into it.

Sick day

2010-04-29T09:12:00.002+10:00

I've decided to take a sick day today. Usually I only do that when I'm on death's door, but I'm determined not to be down and out for a week so despite feeling extremely guilty, i'm off for the day. I plan on napping, drinking lots of tea and taking vitamins, tidying my house when I have the energy and eating on plan!

I'll report back and let you know how it's all going.

A to Z of motivation

2010-04-28T16:56:00.002+10:00

I'm really struggling to be motivated at the moment. With everything that's going on in my life, I feel like I've just given up even trying. I'm plodding along, not really gaining weight but not loosing either, and I feel disappointed.

I typed "motivation" into the WW search engine and came up with the A-Z list of motivation and have decided to create my own personalised motivation plan, based on theirs. I plan to put this into action in the month of May to see if it makes any difference!

Action 1 Adapt your food plan

I find things work best for me when I cook my meals in advance and ensure that they have all of the nutrients I need. I also need to have something that feels like a treat, but isn't. In the first 6 months of WW I would come back from my meeting, plan all my meals and then go shopping. I will start doing this again in the month of May (starting from this Saturday, the 1st).

3 meals + 1 baked good + desserts

Action 2 Be specific

WW says; "Be specific about your goals. How will you feel when you've achieved them? What will you see? What will you hear?"

I will feel proud of myself when I acheieve them. I will feel like I worked hard to make changes that I can keep for life. Worked hard to find things that don't feel like hard work. I will look in the mirror and feel content with what I see. I will hear my friends complimenting me again on how I look. I will feel strong and confident not just because I'm thinner, but because I acheived what I set out to and invested time and effort in myself.

Action 3 - Create small goals and rewards

Since gaining all this weight recently all I can think about is that 64.8kg I once saw on my home scales. I need to forget about that. That's the past. I need to go back to my usual weekly goal of 500 g.

Goal 1: 68kg Reward: Magazine
Goal 2: 67.5kg Reward: Bikini Wax
Goal 4: 67kg Reward: Chinese massage
Goal 5: 66.5kg: Reward: New make up
Goal 6: 66 kg: Reward: New shoes

Once I have reached the first 6 goals I will create another.

Action 4 - Do something different

WW says; "If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got. So if what you're doing isn't working, do something different."

I need to identify what isn't working and fix it. What isn't working is being able to resist the candy box, being able to motivate myself for exercise, getting complacent?

How will I fix it?

Bring 0 point snacks to work so I always have something to munch on.
Research exercise bike training programs so I have a goal to work towards
Repeat to myself that it is not good enough to skip exercise and eat candy!

Action 5 Evolve strategies that work.

I actually think I've done a pretty good job at this already and my life has changed considerably - it's just sticking to them. There are a few things I've done in the past that have worked for me but I haven't kept them up lately. In May I will work the following into my routine

Washing up straight after dinner as this stops be from binge eating and lowers my house-mess related stress levels
Brush my teeth straight after dinner - great for binging and also good for dental hygiene
Go for a walk straight after lunch at work - to keep me away from the candy box

Action 6 Find ways to say no and mean it

Saying no is a big issue for me. Especially when it comes to food, and more recently, booze!

My only goal here really, is to say "No, thank you" to anything that isn't on plan. And be confident about it!

Action 7 Get Help

I need a support group. I need WW meetings, they really work for me. I also need an exercise partner!

My goal in May is to start one personal training session a week with Lee.

Action 8 Have fun

Winter is approaching which is a sure-fire way to stay at home and eat myself fat. I wont do that this winter.

My goal in May is to spend Saturday out and about visiting at least 1 friend.
Another goal is to get back into Sunday morning yoga

Action 9 Identify your resources

In May I will promise my mum I will call in once a week with my weight and to have a chat - another lifeline will definitely help!
Money is another big one, I need to put away a little cash every week for my reward. I will put away $20 in an envelope every week specifically for that purpose

Action 10 Join Weight Watchers Meetings

In the month of May I will not miss one single WW meeting

Action 11 Keep going

In May, I will not give up

Action 12 Make small changes.

WW says; "Practise new behaviours until they become habits – it takes approximately 21 'repeats' for something to become a habit"

My first 21 day goal will be to drink 4 glasses of water before I leave the house in the morning
My second day goal will to be to not binge eat for 21 days employing the washing up/brushing teeth straight after dinner method

Action 13 Manage your emotions

I find that journalling, calling a friend and going for a walk are my three top ways of dealing with extreme emotions.

In May I will adopt the saying "write, walk, call" for anytime I feel stressed or upset, rather than eating

Action 14 Negotiate

This means finding substitutes or ways to satisfy cravings. I do this a lot with exercise - I can skip the gym but only if I clean my house top-to-bottom - that sort of thing. And with food I'll substitute popcorn if I want to binge because it means I get to eat for a long period of time without consuming too many points. I will continue to do this!

Action 13 Overcome setbacks.

If I make a mistake, I will not allow it to lead to a ginge or complete break down

Action 14 Plan ahead

Plan and shop for my meals Saturday morning after WW meeting, no excuses.

Action 15 Quit unhelpful habits

My biggest unhelpful habit is TV. Put me in front of one, and you're almost garunteed a binge.

In May I will live without my TV for a month

Action 16 Repeat positive phrases

Ok I find this a bit naff.

Instead in May I will read one WW Motivation story per night

Action 17 State goals in the positive

Here are my goals in the positive

I want to be happy with my body
I want to feel strong
I want to feel proud of myself

Action 18 Think Slim

I will think "what would a thin person do"

Action 19 Learn to Track

I'm already pretty good at this but;

In May I will track everything I eat, every day

Action 20 Visualise

When I wake up in the morning I will spend 5 minutes thinking about what I would look like slim

Action 21 Weigh yourself every week

No issue there - but;

I will put away my scales and *only* weigh myself once a week.

Action 22 Experiment

I will try 1 new recipe or product every week

Action 23 Zoom in on the positives

Each day on this blog I will write down one positive thing I have done, no matter how bad the day has been

And there you have it. One very big list of goals for the month of May. I can hardly believe a new month is starting in 3 days. Gah!

Wish me luck!

Waiting for an awesome day

2010-04-28T13:45:00.002+10:00

I haven't had a really truly awesome day on plan for a while.

I remember for about 6 months or so last year I was doing so well. Eating the points I should every day, exercising without fail.

But for the past 6 months it seems to be one thing after another that's preventing me from getting where I want to be. Some of those things are out of my control. Others, actually most, are not.

It all started when I turned 26. An age that my ex boyfriends best friend always said would be the worst year of your life. My ex, who just turned 27 two days ago, agreed, and is excited to finally be able to put the last 12 months behind him.

Since I turned 26 I have gained, lost and gained again 5kgs. spent a snowing freezing cold winter in Dublin and then Paris, where unprecedented snow put a huge dent in the image I had of Paris and made me hate public transport even more. I broke up with my boyfriend. My mother was diagnosed with cancer. I sprained my ankle. I've been sick more times than I care to remember. I moved into a flat by myself and while it's fantastic, I can now barely afford to eat.

I have done *very* well at not using any of the above as an excuse to over eat. Apart from illness and a sprained ankle keeping me away from the gym, I've generally remained quite positive.

But I tell you what, my patience is wearing thin.

After waking up this morning with a tickle in my throat, after being so proud I made it back to the gym yesterday, I could barely stay on my exercise bike this morning for more than 5 minutes. Will someone please give me a break?

Ok, time to regroup and work out how to fix this.

Firstly, unlike every other time I feel like I'm getting sick, I'm not going to ignore it. As soon as I finish this post I'm off to run some errands. While out I'll pick up some cheap cold and flu tablets and some echinacea and orange juice for vitamin c. Sure, I can't really afford it, but I can't really afford to be sick either.

I will *not* resort to eating. when I get sick I genuinly feel hungry all. the. time. I am a bottomless pit! But I don't want to gain 2 kgs before the weekend (when I'll be back at WW and was *hoping* for a mammoth loss but I feel like that's a pipe dream now).

I will keep slugging away, I wont use anything that's happened in the last year as an excuse to undo all my good work.

I will remember how awesome I feel when I'm fit, active, eating well and getting smaller. I don't care if I never make goal, I want to feel good! Forever!

Such a fantastic weekend...until

2010-04-26T07:55:00.002+10:00

This weekend I went and visited my parents in Hobart.

I was 100% determined for this to be a successful weekend food-wise. So, taking advice from my last weight watchers meeting, I planned the shit out of it.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I got my mum to hide all of the chocolate, biscuits and peanut butter. Then I offered to cook her dinner both nights. Then, I planned everything I was going to eat, leaving myself a couple of extra points for the odd treat. It was a holiday after all.

Friday was day 1. I managed to forget my snack for the airport, but I deliberately didn't carry any money so I avoided a snack. In fact, despite having breakfast at 7am, I managed to make it through until 2pm with nothing to eat! It was so late in the day by the time I got to my parents house that I skipped lunch all together and just had my two snacks.

I made burritos for dinner and allowed myself to have the 2 I planned for. I could have easily had more but I put everything straight into the fridge so I wasn't tempted.

Then I had a slice of my mum's healthy fruit cake she had made for me.

I felt *very* tempted to binge that night. I was so used to eating constantly when I was at my mum's house that it felt weird not to. I was fidgety, I drank tonnes of water, but ultimately I went to bed early and managed to not binge. And I felt *great*

The next day I made a double pot of oats for my mum and me for breakfast. Then I went out to visit my friend in her new house. She offered tea and biscuits. In the past I would have eaten 3, 4, 5 biscuits. Instead I ate one. I chose my absolute favourite and savoured it. Then I went home. I was starving so I made a healthy lunch then had a snack later in the day. Then I made a huge stir fry, had another slice of fruit cake for dessert and that was that. Another successful day.

Sunday my dad took us out for breakfast. I was a little worried but decided to splurge. I ordered pancakes with banana and bacon. The serving was HUGE. I ate one of the two pancakes. Half the banana and all that bacon. For the second weekend in a row I left something on my plate. I covered it with a napkin so I wouldn't eat any more.

Things went ok for the rest of the time I was in Hobart. Not perfectly but within points. I had an unplanned beer and sausage at a friends fundraiser. The beer automatically made me want to eat a horse so I had one burrito when I got home and a slice of fruit cake. Then I decided to stop so I could still have something for dinner when I got home.

By the time I got into my flat I was exhausted - and here it goes down hill.

Recently I have managed to stop eating out of boredom and stop eating from stress. What I haven't mastered is stopping eating when I'm tired.

If I'd had to work the next day I probably would have had something to eat then gone to bed. But it was a public holiday and I felt entitled to stay up late! So I binged. And I'm so annoyed with myself - after all of the amazing effort I put in, I consumed about 15 points in one night.

I had;

3 toasted sandwhiches. One with baked beans and cheese the other with brown sugar
nestle diet yogurt with muesli
Popcorn with honey and too much salt

You know; writing that down it doesn't seem as bad as I remember. But I definitely feel bloated this morning (this might also be due to my getting my period) so actually, maybe it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Huh. Maybe if I'd just written this down last night instead of calling "too tired" to do anything but eat I could have stopped myself earlier. What a silly duffa.

I have planned out the rest of my day food and activity wise as well as the rest of my week and have made it so i save enough points to even out. Even if I do go up to 19 points everyday I wont kick myself because really, I was so successful this weekend! I feel like if I can survive a weekend at my parents without binging I can do anything. I can eat just 14-15 points every day and exercise to make up for the binge I had last night. I can get my life together this week and see a big loss at my next meeting!!

Ticking things off

2010-04-21T16:49:00.006+10:00

Pre-planning my day via this blog yesterday worked wonders. Writing everything out in advance and how I would react in certain situations was a real comfort. I knew exactly what I should be eating when and really enjoyed writing [DONE] in green next to everything I accomplished.

It worked so well, in fact, that I plan to do it again today! And tomorrow, and Saturday and Sunday at least (I think it's going ot be incredibly helpful when I'm at my parents on the weekend).

So here goes for today.

5.40am: I wake up and get dressed for the gym and head to circuit. My ankle is still a little stiff so I avoid anything that puts direct impact on it (like running or walking on the treadmill) but do everything else. [DIDN'T DO]

7.00am: I arrive home and jump on the bike for 30 minutes. I drink a big bottle of water. [DIDN'T DO]

7.30am: I jump in the shower and think about breakfast [DONE]

8.00am: Banana and apple oats 2.5 points [DONE]

10.00am: Arrive at work and pour a big glass of water [DONE]

11.00am: I eat an apricot oat bran muffin and have a cup of tea, 2 points [DONE - early - i was starving]

12.00pm: I have another 2 glasses of water before lunch

1.30pm: I have bought a can of soup and two slices of bread from home. I toast the bread and heat up the soup for lunch - 5 points [DONE - early again]

2.00pm: Back from my lunch break I have a glass of water. I have 3 in total before afternoon tea [NOT DONE]

4.00pm: Mueslie and Yogurt - my trusted favourites - 3 points [DONE]

6.30pm: I cook up some wholemeal pasta, add peas and some grated parmesan for dinner (5 points) then head off to band practise [NOT DONE - had a burrito and dessert crapes instead]

10.30pm: arrive back from band practise. Way too tired to do any extra exercise - head straight to bed! [DONE]

Getting control

2010-04-21T06:47:00.008+10:00

I feel like I really need to get some control back. The scale is way up this morning thanks to three days with binge eating and little exercise. It's very frustrating! So today I'm writing my day in advance as a little positive thinking. This is how things will go!

7.30am: Eat breakfast before heading out to meet a friend for coffee 2.5 points [DONE]

8.15am: Drink skinny tea but do not eat any food at a cafe [DONE]

10.00am: Grab a glass of water! [DONE]

11.00am: Have my oat bran muffin 2 points) and a cup of tea for morning tea to ensure I'm full up until lunch. Drink another glass of water. 3 in total before lunch. [DONE]

2.00pm: Lunch time! Shepherd's pie again, 4 points, plus a glass of water. Walk to target to pay off a layby and then walk back. 20 minutes in total. [DONE]

3.00pm: Drink another 3 glass of water: [DONE]

4.00pm: Muesli and yogurt for afternoon tea, 3 points.: [DONE]

6.30pm: Dinner time. Soup and bread - 5 points. No dessert as I'm rushing out the door for band practise [DONE]

10.00pm: Get home from band practise do 30 hard core minutes on the bike before showering and heading to bed. [NOT DONE]

So I managed to get all done except for my evening exercise. I should have known i wouldn't feel like it at 10.30pm. At least I did an hour of walking and to save money tomorrow I plan to walk to work.

Making amends

2010-04-20T11:26:00.006+10:00

Due to a still swollen ankle and consumption of beer last night I didn't make it to boxing circuit this morning. I'm not in much pain but my ankle is still fat and swollen. I thought maybe I could walk the 60 minutes to work but decided against that as well.

Instead my exercise for today will be 40 minutes on the bike and some strength training.

7.30am: Banana apple oats 2.5 points

10.30am: Apricot oat bran muffin 2 points

1.30pm: Shepherd's pie 4 points

3.30pm: Yogurt and Mueslie 3 points

6.30pm: Burrito for dinner. Then I feel a binge begin. I have a vegemite sandwhich and pancakes with maple syrup and some dried apricots. So much better than yesterday. 10 points

Why did I binge? I am sad, lonely, confused, empty. I miss my ex, I miss my friends, I'm stressed at work, I'm worried about my mu. I can feel a physical emptiness in my stomach and I want to fill it. Even now.

I jumped on the bike for 20 minutes and that curbed it. I cried a lot. I talked to a friend online. Now I'm writing here

Total points eaten: 21.5 points
Total points earnt: 2.5 points

So, so tired

2010-04-19T15:58:00.003+10:00

Yup, today I am tired. *Really* tired. This is a big emotional trigger for me and as a result I've been really hungry all day.

I woke up at 3am to less than savoury sounds coming from my neighbours. All I can say is I hope she enjoyed herself. The big issue, though, was my ankle. After rolling it last night I thought it was ok. i managed to play the rest of the game of futsal and walk home after all!

At 3am it was swollen and I couldn't move it. I hobled to the bathroom in search of painkillers (no luck) and by the time I got back in bed and elevated my foot I was almost crying from the pain. All I coudl think about what how yet again, as soon as I got back into exercise my body rebelled!

Thankfully when I woke up this morning I was able to walk again. My foot is still quite tender and I can't move it quite as much as normal but I shoudl be ready for some light exercise and might even make it to boxing circuit tomorrow. Though I think I'll leave the skipping for a week.

Weigh in Saturday: I am down to 68.5kg. I was very happy for this. It's only 100 grams loss since I started but I'm back on track!

This week's topic was all about planning. I'm a really good planner. I usually work out my week's food and exercise in advance, make concessions for eating out and I'm great at tracking. So I really had to think about how I could be an even better planner!

On Friday I'm heading to my mum and dad's. I have never *ever* in my whole time doing WW been able to stay on plan when I go away. Not only that but I usually end up severely binging.

So on my little post-it note I wrote down how I would prepare for a weekend away

1) Email my mum before I arrive asking her to hide the peanut butter, chocolates and other treats
2) Offer to cook both dinner's for my mum while I'm there so we don't eat out or order in. Email her the shopping list in advance including snacks and breakfasts
3) Track before I leave and stick to it
4) Plan for 2 1 hour walks
5) Don't visit friends during meal time - have cups of tea or go for a drive. No food with friends allowed

So far I've emailed my mum and worked out my meals. I'm just about to track all my food and exercise in advance for the week which I didn't have time to dow th my friend over at the weekend.

Despite being tired and cranky today I'm feeling really positive about this

And now for today's food

8.00am: At 3m I really felt like pancakes so I decided to make some wholemeal pancakes with honey for breakfast and had a handful of dried apricots to fill me up, 5 points

11.00am: Muesli and yogurt 3 points

1.00pm: I was *so* hungry today I could barely wait for lunch. I had some left over shepherd's pie and then ate my bran mufin for dessert (which I was meant to have for afternoon tea)

4.15pm: Usually I would have a snack now. I'm starving. I'm going to go and pour myself a bit glass of water. I am not at all productive today. I'm to tired. I'm just doing little bits and pieces and saving all the big stuff for tomorrow. I'll use this time to plan and organise my desk. I only have to make it to 6pm without raiding the charity chocolates.

6.30pm: I make it almost home without breaking my fast-until-dinner. I run into a stressed-out friend and take her for a beer. 3 beers (4.5 points) later I'm heading home.

7.00pm: Commence the slightly tipsy mini binge. I have two slices of leftover Crust pizza (3.5points) Two slices of bread with vegie mite (3 points) 2 serves of wholemeal pancakes (3 points)

Total points eaten: 28/19
Points earnt: 0

Not a great day but that binge wasn't too bad. Will report tomorrow!

Weekend Recap

2010-04-19T15:49:00.002+10:00

Hi All!

I had such a wonderful weekend with one of my besties. As i mentioned in the Friday post, we're both trying to loose weight so we were a great support for each other while still making sure we enjoyed some good Melbourne food while she was over.

Saturday was definitely our best day. We went out for breakfast and I ordered Bircher Muesli and a cup of tea. It was a big breakfast and held me over right until my early (very early) 4.30pm dinner! We were heading to roller derby quite early so we know we needed something filling early on to last us all night.

We went to a pretty sub par chinese restaurant on Bourke St. We ordered one entree of spring rolls to share - 3 in total. Quite small which is good. I then had pork ribs with rice. I ate about 1/3 of the rice they dished up (about 1/2 cup if that) and then about 3/4 of the pork. It wasn't amazing and I wanted desert so I figured why fill up?

I then ordered deep fried ice cream. It was pretty atrocious - I ate about half before giving up.

Now - none of this food was disgusting. In the past I would have eaten every last morsel and made myself sick. I was *so* proud of myself for only eating until I was full.

Sunday I cooked us up some french toast - WW friendly of course then popped a couple of dried apricots before we head off to the museum for a look around. We tried to walk as much as possible while she was over and easily clocked up an hour today.

On the way back we were starving and craving dumplings. We stopped by a local chinese place and had two pork and two prawn dumplings each as well as two lovely dim sums. Only about 6 points all up.

Then I had a walk to and fron futsal and the match. I managed to roll my ankle. But I played on and didn't think I'd done much damage.

We went home and ordered a Crust Tick pizza to share and a garlic starter pizza (I ate half of each).

I then woke up at 3am in agony - my ankle was fucked! thankfully when I woke at 8am I was much better.

Anyway

Saturday - points eaten 25 - points earnt 3
Sunday - points eaten 30 - points earnt 8

Friday on my mind

2010-04-16T07:52:00.002+10:00

This week has progressed really slowly. I can't wait for this weekend! One of my best friends Jo arrives. We havne't hung out properly in ages and I'm looking forward to some quality time with her.

7.00am: Wake up and get straight into my gym gear for the bike. I do some shadow boxing, sit ups and push ups to warm up then 10 minutes of intervals on the bike. Then I do push ups, squats, dips and sit ups and another 10 minutes on the bike then finish with more of the same. I do 30 minutes in the end. Had aimed for 50 but will make that up by walking to work this morning. It's such a gorgeous day!

8.00am: Usual porridge. 3 points.

11.00am: I bought in some fruit, from memory. I wanted to have something light. .5 points.

1.00pm: Pizza for lunch with a friend,.. I planned for this by not bringing in any snacks today

4.00pm: Something about pizza just makes me want to pig out on junk food. I have 4 mini chocolates

6.30pm: 2 x vegie burritos for dinner - 8 points

9.00pm onwards: Lots of beer. Lots. I lost count

Points spent: Who knows!
Points earnt: 6.5 points

I managed lots of exercise so I was happy with that. And boy did I have fun Friday. I rarely drink to get drunk so I don't mind when I slip up occasionally. I remember have a big conversation with my guest about losing weight. She's currently trying to shift 30kgs and we managed to be great support on the night. Went home and slept without a kebab or chocolate in my belly. I was proud!

Motivation rewind

2010-04-15T11:33:00.004+10:00

I had a late night after the movies so I struggled to get out of bed today. I completely ignored my 5.40 alarm for circuit and then ignore my bike. thankfully I have a relatively free evening tonight and can squeeze in 30-40 minutes on the bike and then have a bigger workout tomorrow

7.30am: Breakfast! 3 points. Lovely porridge. Clean my house top to bottom

11.20am: Apricot bran muffin 2 points

2.00pm: time for lunch. I have what's left of my chicken and corn soup from yesterday as well as two slices of toast with spread. 6 points.

4.30pm: Afternoon tea is my trust yogurt and muesli, 3 points. Then later on I found the Fruitsies from ALdi in my drawer and I couldn't say no so I had one. 1 point

6.30pm: Did 20 minutes on the bike.

7.30pm: Ate some shepherd's pie. Hadn't planned on a big dinner but I was really hungry after the biking. 4 points. Then I started to feel like binging. I had about 6 dried apricots and a plum. I really wanted something else, something savoury, but I managed to keep myself busy and avoided it. 1.5 points.

Points eaten: 20
Points earned: 1

Motivation!

2010-04-14T08:15:00.004+10:00

I woke up this morning really not wanting to exercise. I'm feeling really flat at the moment. I had a panic attack two nights ago and never really covered. I'd never had a proper panic attack before and the fear that I'll have another one is really exhausting.

Regardless I pressed on and do what I always do when I don't want to exercise but I know I should - I break it down into steps. Actually I do this with a lot of things in my life.

1) Get out of pyjamas
2) Get into gym gear

Usually the next step would be "get out of the house" but thanks to my new exercise all I had to do was pick something to listen to or watch (in this case, the latest This American Life) and get pedaling.

I did 30 minutes of intervals - 10 minutes more than last night. I can't believe how much I sweat! The only issue I'm having is there is a bit of pressure in my knees. I think it's because it's manual tension so it's a little sticky getting the pedals around. Not quite sure how to remedy this other than upgrading next time. Considering I'm already pedalling at the top level this might be pretty necessary.

So...

7.15am: 30 minute bike intervals

8.20am: Banana apple oats 3 points

11.15am: Time for an orange. This takes me half an hour to eat. No joke. 1 point. Water time!

2.00pm: Lunch time. I am keeping my points to a minimum during the day because I'm going out for dinner. I had 1 serve of Campbells Chicken and Corn soup - 2.5points

4.20pm: Afternoon snack - my usual yogurt minus the muesli - 1 point

7.00pm: have 1.5 beers and some popcorn at the movie (share the popcorn amoungst a few of us)

9.00pm: Dumpling heaven! 7 of us order a plate each - I try everything - all sorts of dumplings plus salt 'n' pepper squid, chinese brocolli and the most delicious dim sums I've ever eaten! Plus one more beer for good measure. Probably over points but I deliverately ate very little all day so I could enjoy this relatively guilt free. I didn't feel completely stuffed at the end of the evening. I think I ate just the right amount!

Points eaten: Let's say 19!
Points earnt: 3.5

Here comes the winter

2010-04-13T08:54:00.003+10:00

It's officially autumn but it's starting to feel like winter. It's grey outside and I don't trust my washing on the line.

I'm down quite a bit on the scales this morning thanks to an on track day yesterday but I'm trying not to spend too much time on the scale between weigh ins this week.

6.00am: Head to the gym for boxing circuit but the class is sold out! I do a 10 minute interval on the cross-trainer before deciding to head home and work out on the bike. I'm so unmotivated at the gym when I'm not in a class. Thankfully our boxing circuit instructor grabbed me before I left - apparently they had uneven numbers and needed me. Thank goodness they did - I got an awesome workout in the end. I feel like I have a lot of strength back in my arms now

7.30am: Banana oats with added apple this morning. Yum! 3 points

11.00am: Another apricot oat bran muffin and cup of tea for breakfast. 2 points.

1.30pm: Left over shepherd's pie - this was amazing last night and even better heated up today. Pumpkin *and* potato topping FTW. 4 points.

4.00pm: Yogurt and muesli again, 3.5 points

6.30pm: Stop by a friends place for dinner. He makes me some very healthy chilli with a small amount of rice - 3.5 points

7.00pm: Come home, do some washing, stick on some early Bill Bailey and do 20 minutes intervals on the bike. It was killer - I pushed myself as much as possible. Dripping with sweat at the end.

7.30pm: Eat a plum .5 points

8.30pm: Eat popcorn with honey and a coupe of handfuls of dried apricots while watching the latest episode of Doctor Who. 3 points

Total points eaten: 19
Total points earnt: 8

Well rested and ready to rumble

2010-04-12T08:53:00.004+10:00

Last night I used some curtains and a blanket and made a fort in my lounge room. Then I crawled in and slept for hours. It was amazing. I think I had one of the best sleeps ever, though some pretty weird and disturbing dreams. I'm not well rested and ready to start the day

7.45am: Banana oats - 2.5 points

11.30am: Another busy day - finally get to eat my apricot and oat bran muffin with a cup of tea. Delicious and filling, 2 points.

1.30pm: Time for lunch. Wholemeal spaghetti pasta for 4.5 points. I'm really enjoying my food today! I don't feel hungry and I don't crave anything sweet like I usually do. I think the slight sweetness of the muffin was a good idea.

4.00pm: Yogurt and muesli time. 2.5 points - loving it!

7.30pm: After about an hour of cooking I had a vegetarian shepherds pie. I popped a little bit of parmesan cheese in my mouth while waiting. I mixed in some pumpkin with the potato - sooooo delicious! 4 points.

9.00pm: I had planned for popcorn tonight but I just didn't feel like it. I got rid of my TV to see if it would help with my night time eating. Success was almost immediate. I'm watching a few things online but if I'm fidgety I got do something and my need to eat needlessly has gone. I wanted a little something extra so I just had a plum. .5 points.

Total points 18.5.

Need to improve my water in take tomorrow and avoid eating a big hunk of cheese!

Another day another hangover and regret

2010-04-11T08:38:00.004+10:00

As you can see from my post this morning, I was dealing with a hangover today as well as a lack of sleep.

My day went a little like this

7.30: Wake up, want to die. Am extremely emotional so can't sleep

8.00: Decide to have some breakfast. No banana for my oats so I have my planned snack instead. 1/4 cup light vanilla yogurt with 1/4 cup of untoasted muesli. 3 points.

10.30: Cooked Apricot Oatbran muffins. Used way too much bran - I think, so added an extra egg. Turned out quite good. 2 points.

1.15-2.30: Graxed a lot, now. Two slices of toast with vegemite, 2 rice cakes with dip, 2 has browns and a bowl of porridge. I now have just 1 point left. I'm exhausted, couldn't nap and now have to walk 30 minutes to play a 40 minute futsal match. Hopefully the walk will wake me up and I'll be so tired when I get home I wont want to eat much. I could eat a yogurt and some steamed vegies or something like that.

5.10: Played a game of football despite being insanely tired. We lost but apparently I played my best game of football ever. GO figure. I also walked there and back which is 1 hour total

7.30: Getting hungry now. Had some popcorn and then yogurt with muesli. Made myself a fort and went to sleep

Total points I ate today: 22.5
Points earned: 8

Friendly bistro

2010-04-10T10:29:00.003+10:00

Weigh in day today!

Last week: 69.6kg
This week: 69.3kg

I had hoped for more but I certainly don't deserve more. Another week another chance!

9.00am: Head to the supermarket before weigh in. Pick up everything for the week except veg. I had planned to go to the market after my meeting but forgot!

10.15am: 10 minutes on the bike. Not uite the 30 minutes I'd hoped for but got my heart rate up and sweated like a mother effer! Will aim for 30 minutes by the end of the weekend. I have breakfast at a friend's house today. So my carefully planned day has hit a snag. It'll be a very late breakfast so the plan is for this to be breakfast, lunch and one of my snacks. I've saved myself 9.5 points for breakfast.

....

I'm not going to go through hour by hour from now on. It's Sunday morning and I'm hungover as all hell. Breakfast was the only proper meal I ate all that. After that I had a few chocolate mini eggs, lots of alcohol and one slice of pepperoni pizza to keep me going. I ended up eating 30 points in all. Man, it could have been a *lot* worse, thankfully it wasn't. Food wise I did fine - points wise that is, not nutrition wise - it was the alcohol that *really* tipped my points.

Don't worry. I wont be doing that for a while. It ended up in a horrible row with my ex blowing any chances I foolishly thought we might ever have of getting back together. I think I'll just hide under a rock for the day.

Aftermath

2010-04-09T08:00:00.009+10:00

Boy I feel seedy this morning. Not 100% hungover just really tired. The bike sits unused - I am *so* sore from yesterday - which is great - it means i'm finally working hard.

Weirder than anything I'm down almost a kilo. Could it just be dehydration? I'm not sure!

8.15am: My friend cooks me breakfast. 1 scrambled egg with reduced fat fetta on toast with 2 hash browns and a glass of juice. 10.5 points but so worth it!

11.40am: I only bought one snack to work today thinking my larger than average breakfast would keep me full until lunch. Not so - I'm famished now so I eat my yogurt and muesli, 3 points. I only have a very small lunch - something tells me I might need to go buy something for afternoon tea

2.20pm: I stopped by the supermarket on my travels to find afternoon tea and settled on some crackers with light cheese and a mandarin. I craved the cheese so I had that for lunch. 3.5 points.

4.50pm: I have my lunch for afternoon tea. 2 points. I definitely wont be drinking tonight as planned so that's a few extra points. Right now I want a cup of tea and chocolate. I may go the cup of tea but really I should stay out of the kitchen and away from the charity chocolates! Only 50 minutes until I have leave so I'll just stay busy til then. Water intake has been terrible - will catch up now!

5.50pm: Ok so I just snarfed three fruitsies. 3 points. on the verge of a binge but thankfully I have to leave soon. Lyn wrote a great piece today about her tipping point. About how trigger moods and food don't *always* trigger a binge but there is a saturation point where you feel like you just can't say no. I feel like my exhaustion/hangover/stress/end of week joy all came to a head when I opened my desk drawer and saw that packet of fruitsies! They've been there for well over a week now without a second thought.

7.00pm: Saw the amazing Tim Vine

8.00pm: Dinner. 1 Corona, 4 dumplings some rice and a shared plate of honey pork ribs. Approx 11 points

Way over points today but I feel ok. I didn't stuff myself and I do feel like I held back a lot despite my hangover and exhaustion. Basically I have felt much more in control this week. I think the planning and the blogging has made such a huge difference. I wont expect much on the scale though a small loss would be nice!

Measuring Up - Week 1

2010-04-08T08:22:00.004+10:00

Photo and measurement time!

The photos were really hard. Front on captures my large child-bearing hips fine but side on didn't really get my nicely rounded gut in the right light and it actually looks ok! I'll work on that for next time.

MEASUREMENTS

Waist: 79cm
Hips: 101cm
Bust: 92cm
Upper arms: 28cm
Thighs: 54cm

It's funny - I always think of myself as an hour glass, but I'm definitely bottom heavy. I'd love for that to even out but last time I lost a significant amount of weight I lost my boobs!

Another day, hope for success

2010-04-08T05:44:00.010+10:00

Yesterday really paid off and I'm down to 69.2kg on the scale. I'm very pleased with this. Even without a loss I would have been super happy with yesterday.

Here's to another day on plan!

6.15am: Circuit class. I had no trouble getting up and going this morning. Group exercise really does it for me. I like that I don't have to think, I just go there and do! I really pushed myself this morning. MY arms and legs feel like jelly - I think for the first time in ages I might actually be sore tomorrow!

7.20am: Breakfast time. I'm doubling up my oats this morning. I want to make sure I hit my 19 points. 4 points.

9.00am: My exercise bike arrives! It asn't supposed to come until tomorrow but they had a cancellation and a spare bike. I can't wait to try it out tomorrow - maybe even tonight.

11.20am: Man, it's so busy at work today! I've been going non-stop all morning getting banking up to date and I still have heaps to do! Plus I need to get out of the office and run a tonne of errands. Looks like I'll need to rope a few hapless helpers in! I eat 2 thick rice cakes and skinny hummus, 1.5 points

1.45pm: Lunch. More leftover chickpea curry, 4 points. I can't get enough of this stuff!

4.45pm: Yogurt and muesli time 3.5 points. The afternoon has totally gotten away from me. This muesli thing has been so great though! I don't even give the chocolate barrel a second look. I got invited to dinner, regardless of how late I work, but I said no because I didn't plan for it. Up to 6 glasses of water. No sweat.

8.30pm: I get to the pub after work to meet some friends thinking I'll just have one beer. I wasn't at all hungry so I even considered skipping dinner. 3.5 beers later and that's changed

10.00pm: Get home with a friend and heat up a pizza. Eat 3 slices, which isn't too bad, then I break out the easter chocolate. One medium sized hollow egg and 5 caramel eggs later. I don't feel awesome. No idea of points. It wasn't really a binge, it was a drunken eat!

Bored and gaining

2010-04-07T08:52:00.007+10:00

Again, yesterday was not a great day. I put on another 300 grams this morning. Then, when I woke up, I had absolutely zero motivation to get out and run.

I *am* excited about starting my 10k training but I want to do that closer to the race - which is in July. I have no trouble getting up and going to group exercise. When it comes down to it, I'm being lazy. I feel quite depressed and confused about life in general at the moment and gaining weight certainly isn't helping. This is spilling over into my motivation and I realise I really need to take control of this.

Control being the operative word.

I can't control my ex-boyfriend's actions. I can't control my mum's cancer. But I am in control of me.

So, this morning I thought, "if I don't go for a run I have to do something proactive". So I made a big pasta dish to last 4 meals, I made my bed, I took out three loads of garbage, I did all my washing up. Then I ordered myself an exercise bike online.

Yes. I know. A bike. *Me*. I usually avoid biking at all costs at the gym. Something about all that leg work, and the uncomfortable seats. Though when I *do* acheive on a bike I feel extra proud! I decided on a bike because I need something in my house to stop me making excuses! Plus the weather is cooling down so pretty soon, it'll be even easier to make an excuse not to go outside. I just have it ordered for hire for 1 month, to make sure I use it and don't waste any money. I'm looking forward to coming up with some exercise plans for it!

A few things I tried to keep in mind for today:

Say no!
Eat properly!
Drink lots of water!

8.00am: Banana oats time! 2 points

11.20am: Have been keping really busy this morning and had my morning tea late. Two thick rice cakes with skinny hummus, 1.5 points. I realise that I haven't had any water yet so gulp down a couple of glasses asap
1.40pm: Lunch time! This re-heated chick pea curry (4 points) gets better every day. Then I pop to the shops and buy a big bag of muesli.

3.40pm: Yogurt and muesli time. Actually I'm not *that* hungry but I really want to see if the muesli I bought from Aldi is any good. It is. 3 points (I think - had to estimate 1/4 cup size)

8.15pm: I ended up working late and getting home starving. I tucked into about 8 water crackers with dip. By the time my pasta was heated up I wasn't as hungry so I decided to just eat half rather than a full serve. I knew that popcorn was a must have as it is every night, if I wanted it I had to make sacrifices. I'm very proud right about now. 7.5 points

8.40pm: Popcorn time. The usual 1/4 cup with some honey. 1.5 points

Total for today: 19.5 points

I'm so happy with this. Only .5 points over.

Yesterday and today

2010-04-06T08:01:00.007+10:00

Yesterday wasn't the best day but it went ok - all in all I over-ate, but not too much, and my weight stayed the same.

Journaling worked so well over the weekend I've decided to keep it up for the forseeable future, so here goes for today

6.15am: Hit the gym for boxing circuit. Made my best efforts to really push myself this morning. I really miss how fit I felt 6 months ago and I'm keen to get back there asap. I'm even considering a boot camp in the future to help boost things along

7.15am: Breakfast time: Banana oats with maple syrup (out of honey) and a serve of peanuts - 5 points. I'm going to just aim for 19 points per day this week, rather than trying to save and make up for the weekend. Saving too many every day just leaves me hungry. I know this yet I always try to do it and fail. I know that even with the blow outs I've had this weekend I can still loose weight eating 19 points a day from now on.

10.20am: Today is turning out to be a stressful day. I'm not that hungry but I eat my muesli bar anyway. 1.5 points.

11.00am: I got offered a cupcake. I ate the cupcake. 4 points.

1.00pm: Proper hunger time - leftpver pumpkin chickpea curry - yay! 4 points (as much as the cupcake, cupcake bad and evil.)

3.40pm: Time for afternoon tea. I bought a serve of Ski D'lite Vanilla Creme on special at the supermarket. Then I added Maltesers to it. Bad move. Why did I do this? Because even though I don't mind yogurt I really like it when there's something in it. For the same amount of points as the Maltesers I could have had a small apple and half a small banana, or some home-made low fat granola. I'm making a mental note to buy a lot more fruit this week and make some granola so I can have my yogurt and eat it without falling asleep. 3 points.

6.00pm: Dinner time. Soup and toast 5.5 points

I made some strawberry mousse for dessert. I ate half and then realised it was disgusting and I didn't want to waste my points on something I wasn't enjoying. I then made two serves of popcorn with maple syrup. 4 points. Yet again way over points and wanting to binge. So let's analyse

1) I start the week off badly so I feel like I've already ruined it
2) I'm going through a stressful time in my life. I'm letting my life get disorganised and it's not helping me stay off track
3) I'm eating sub standard food I don't really like so I keep adding to try and satisfy myself
4) I've gotten out of the habit of saying no to people when they offer me bad foods

How to remedy this

1) Try extra hard to have a perfect weekend
2) Make all my food in advance so I feel more organised during the week
3) Plan lovely, tasty yummy foods and snacks (I've done this already)
4) Say NO!

Success

2010-04-05T09:03:00.001+10:00

Sometimes, you just need one successful day to prove to yourself that you can do it. I had fallen into the trap of thinking I was a failure because I kept making mistakes. On one day I'd over eat, it would knock my confidence and I wouldn't try as hard the next day because I would just assume I couldn't do it.

Yesterday was that day back on track and it worked

Saturday morning weight: 69.3kg
Sunday morning weight (after binge): 69.8kg
Monday morning weight (after successful day on track): 69.3kg!

I wont bother journaling again today, but I will report how I did sticking to my plan and let you know my weight each day.

For now, I'm going to enjoy my day off. Clean my house and then go and get some exercise in!

Jounal again!

2010-04-04T09:10:00.005+10:00

Well yesterday was a bit of a failure wasn't it? Well, not entirely. It's not like I ate all my planned meals and *then* pigged out. I did try..but not hard enough. I felt a bit sick after all that food I ate!

But I tracked everything and went through my weekly pllan to see what I could eliminate without going hungry.

Then I had a bit of an epihany. Every day I allow2 points for honey. 1 tablespoon on my porridge and one on my popcorn. I started to wonder if I really did have 1 tablespoon as I'd never measured it. So this morning, I got out the teaspoon instead, and measured my honey in that. And what do you know? I've only ever had a teaspoon on my porridge not a tablespoon! 1 tsp of honey is 0 points, I was able to eliminated 2 points per day. I got rid of a few other small things like nuttelex on my bread (I can put a little spray oil and rub in some garlic instead, yummy) and apple from my porridge and there - I made up the 20.5 points I ate last night. Now I just have to stick with it.

---------------------

9.00am: Breakfast: Porridge with banana and honey: 2 points

10.45am: Fit and Active bar, 1.5 points, before hitting Yoga and Sauna

11.30am: Yoga time. It was a small class today so I ended up working extra hard! I'm going to be sore tomorrow!

2.15pm: After sauna. spa and steam I make it home and heat up some canned soup and make some toast for lunch 4 points. This filled me up quite well besides not being a huge portion. Yum. A friend has invited me around for chocolate cupcakes, I might have to say no! I want to visit her but I just can't eat the cup cakes. I can't do it to myself.

3.30pm: Hungry again! I make popcorn (2 points) and settle in to watch Shaun of the Dead

6.00pm: Time for dinner - pumpkin and chickpea curry with brown rice, 4 points.

7.00pm: Dessert time. I had planned for one yogurt but added a serve of peanuts and 1/2 serve of quick oats to bulk it out. 3.5 points

Total points consumed today: 17
Exercise points earned: 1.5
Glasses of water: 8

Success? HECK YES!

A journal a day...

2010-04-03T11:07:00.010+11:00

Today there was no Weight Watchers meeting, so instead of writing about what was discussed I decided to try journalling my food and activity for the whole day. Here's what I cam up with

-----------

8.00am: Alarm goes off, can't open my eyes, reset for 8.20

8.20am: Get out of bed, get dressed in gym gear, head to gym

9.00am: Circuit class! The gym is so quiet because of easter weekend. We do a similar circuit to last week. 20 stations, going hard for 60 seconds. I pushed myself hard on some things but not on others. I realise it's been a long time since I've had really sore muscles from a workout - make a mental note to push even harder next time. Do tonnes of ab work and way too many planks - I hate planks!

10.00am: My gym friend and I had been umming and ahhing over whether to go to breakfast as we both ahd things to do, we decided to go. Went to the lovely Kojo Brown because they have awesome tea cups, we're both big tea fans. I ordered 2 poached eggs on toast with avocado and bacon. I estimate this to be 10 points. I adjusted my plan for the rest of the day to accomodate this.

11.00am: Come home and think I still feel hungry. My stomach feels empty but I know that it's not possible so I wait a while and finally the food kicks in. I read a few blogs before I get to work showering, cleaning the house and listing a few items on ebay

1.20pm: Starting to feel hungry again. Have a glass of water (my 4th for the day) instead and read a book. Am trying to wait for the first tummy grumble before I eat.

1.30: Yup, definitely hungry. Have a muesli bar, 1.5 points read some more and then have an afternoon nap.

2.30: Have to get out of the house, the sunshine is mocking me! Got to the supermarket and while I'm there arrange to have a friend over for gin and dvds. I feel some meal plan adjustments coming on

3.30: Adjust my plan for 3 gins and some water crackers and dip. Decide against serving the peanuts I bought because I know I wont stop and 1 serve. Will have a small serve of dumplings before my friend arrives to stave off binging on crackers and will drink a glass of water between each gin. Look at my plan, realise I have no vegetables. Eat a carrot.

4.30: Have a late dumpling lunch for 2 points. I feel immediately like pigging out afterwards but distract myself by hanging out washin, doing dishes and then cleaning my teeth. about 15 minutes later the urge to eat isn't nearly as strong though I'm definitely not full. If this was a normal day I would eat again because lunch was very small but I have to save myself!

6.00pm: Mary arrives. Much gin, peanuts, dip and chocolate chip cookies are consumed. I track everything I can remember and find myself about 15 points over. Dissapointing.

My goal of sticking to my 19 points over the weekend has gone out the window but I can come back and even loose weight this week. I will not cut down my daily points intake, I'll just end up hungry and binging. I will just move on like it never happened.

Friday Check In

2010-04-02T12:30:00.003+11:00

It's the end of my first week of being back on the program, back into blogging and feeling like I've made a fresh start.

This was not a great week by any stretch of the imagination. I didn't acheive all my goals, I binged, I skipped exercise.

But the improvements I've made, and some choices I've made are so much better than the previous 3-4 months that I really do feel like I'm back on track.

Sticking to my food plan: I had hoped to consume only 19 points a day. This didn't happen at all. I'm disappointed but I think maybe it was a bit of a big goal for the first week back. Even when I was loosing weight I would often go at least 2-3 points over. I'll be revising this in this weeks goal

Exercise plan: Actually this went perfectly until today! I had a very emotional night last night and got almost no sleep. I'm a zombie now and have cancelled all plans for the day including exercise. I am going to clean my house, get on top of a few small things and then eventually have a nice big sleep, refreshed for the new week tomorrow

Water, water, water: This went *really* well. I almost got to 8 glasses every day, including weekends, and I oftened turned to water when I thought I felt hungry.

This weeks goals

Stick to points over the weekend: This used to be my main food goal in the past. Saturdays and Sundays were my big mess up days, as they are for a lot of people. I had planned to have my easter bunny - my one and only chocolate for easter, Sunday - but there's been a change of plans. I'll eat the chocolate today leaving my weekend free to aim for 19 points. Obviously I'd love to carry it over into the week but if I can cope with Saturday and Sunday I think it'll really set the tone for the week and I'll be a lot more successful with a bit less effort.

Exercise: I did really well this week and I think I can definitely do it again. The change I want to make this week links in with my binge eating. After dinner and desert I plan to go for a 20 minute walk. 10 minutes down to the main street and then 10 back. The nights this week that I was forced to leave the house straight after dinner because of prior engagements - particularly ones I had to walk to - really stopped me from binging. That's 20 minutes 7 days this week. Totally doable.

Water: I did so well last week, this week I want to get to 8 glasses every day.

Pre-cook meals: I did pre-cook a lot of meals this week but today I plan on pre-cooking 4 serves of a chickpea curry and 4 serves of a vegetarian bolognaise. I'm just writing it here to help me stick with my plan!

Confession

So my confession this week is despite that promise to myself, I didn't attend my WW meeting. As I mentioned earlier in the week, my usual meeting is closed on Saturday so I planned to weigh in near my work on Thursday. I couldn't. I got too nervous! I hate new situations and knowing it was a once off made it even harder to go. I will weigh in on my scales on Saturday and hope there isn't too much of a difference.

Mid-week update

2010-03-31T15:15:00.000+11:00

Time for the mid-week update and to see how I'm tracking for my goals this week.

I have found that I have been much better at sticking to my yearly goals by checking in on them every month so I imagine this will have the same affect.

Follow my food plan: I haven't been great at that this week. I made my plan on Friday and added everything into my food tracker. I should be clear that, of course, ideally I would like to stick that what I plan 100%, but life doesn't always allow for that. Friend's invite me out for dinner, I don't feel like what I have planned, I over indulge and have to make the points up elsewhere. So for me, staying on plan isn't so much about eating every morsel I have pre-planned. It's about successfully making adjustments so the outcome of my eating is more or less the same.

Having said that, this week, so far, hasn't been awesome. I overindulged at the weekend, binged on Monday and there is no way that I can save enough points between now and Saturday to even this out.

On the upside, the binge was small and I tracked everything and other things have gone well so I'm generally quite pleased. I have pulled the book "Shrink Yourself" off my shelves again to try and regain control of my emotional eating and my new committment to attending all Weight Watchers meeting has really helped me ward off any potential eating frenzies.

Follow my exercise plan: So far, so good! The only exercise I skipped was Sunday morning yoga in lieu of shopping, but I ended up doing a 60 mninute walk that more than made up the exercise points.

I also decided to try interval running this morning instead of my usual straight 30 minutes run. I did 21 minutes of actual running interspersed with roughly 10 minutes of walking and a walk at the end of about 10 minutes to cool down.

I LOVED it! I found that I really pushed myself a lot harder when I ran and (apart from my coughing fit and the fact it got really cold) I felt like I could have gone for ages. I look forward to using intervals to challenge myself over the coming weeks.

Water, water, water: SO much better than previous weeks. I haven't quite made my 8 glasses every day but I try very very hard. Also I drank a lot of water on the weekend which was my real aim as that's usually when I forget! Looks like I'll easily make 8 glasses today so I'll aim for the same over the next few days.

I have weigh in tomorrow instead of Saturday due to Easter so I'm not expecting much. In fact, I doubt I'll loose and it's highly likely I'll put on! But I'm not worried. I feel like I've made so much progress this week emotionally and mentally that it's really only a matter of time (hopefully not too much) before I'm back where I was 6 months ago.

Triggers

2010-03-30T22:24:00.000+11:00

Today I want to write briefly about triggers, before my scheduled mid-week check in tomorrow.

I have two types of triggers: emotional triggers and food triggers.

Food is pretty easy to identify and avoid. I eat a certain type of food and I want more. Chocolate is one. Pizza, another. Weirdly, oats is another one! No matter how big a bowl of oats I have in the morning I want more and since I've gotten rid of all junk food in my house, oats is often my go-to food.

Emotional triggers are a lot harder to deal with. You can't avoid emotions. Unlike junk food you can't banish it from your house. If you're stressed, you're stressed - there is no low-fat version of being upset.

This morning I woke up feeling depressed. My mother was getting the results of a tumour she had removed and I had dreamt the night before that I had cancer.

I was feeling grumpy and sleepily tried to put in a contact lens. I dropped it in the rubbish never to be found. It was my last one and my glasses are almost broken. I'm broke and can't afford a new pair.

I'm dealing with a particularly difficult client at work, our server is down so I can't access email or anything useful.

Volunteers at my work are playing up and not following rules.

I feel fat and I can't believe just 6 months ago I was the healthiest I had ever been.

I wanted to eat. I wanted to stuff down every emotion as I cried standing in a hot shower. I wanted another bowl of oats, some chocolate, some toast, a yogurt - whatever I had in the fridge.

Instead I went to the gym. I felt a lot better but I was still quite stressed when I got back home. Then I wrote a list of all the things I needed to acheive throughout the day to alleviate stress. I felt better.

I was having a good day until my colleagues suggested cup cakes to fix our crappy days. Then I had another serve of food at dinner. Then another cup cake and two glasses of wine at dinner.

I guess what I'm illustrating here is how easy it is, despite genuine attempts, to fall of the wagon. How strong those triggers can be and how you can't, no matter how great you are, change things over night.

I have been really working on my emotional eating triggers for about 6 months now. It is by far the most difficult thing I have had to do. Going to the gym every day, running my first 5k, joining Weight Watchers, learning about healthy food - this all pales when compared to the emotional battle I've been waging. I've seen it written in countless other blogs before; this habit is hard to break. Emotional eating patterns have formed over 25 years, it's not a habit that can be broken over night.

So today has been good and bad. I made some not-so-great choices but I also didn't binge, and did stave off binging at a couple of points, including right now as I write this post.

I'm a little tipsy and tired, two emotional triggers for me. Once I've written this I will clean my teeth, set my alarm and fall into bed and wont think of food until morning. Tomorrow, when I'm more awake I'll read Shrink Yourself again, I'll go through all of the exercises and I'll remind myself to go to my WW meeting before the long weekend.

Blogging is just one of the ways I stave of emotional triggers. This is effort but it's worth it. I'm not hungry.

Another Day 1

2010-03-27T10:06:00.003+11:00

Start weight - May 2009: 74.7kg
Current Weight: 69.3kg

Almost a year ago a joined the weight loss program at my local gym. It included 3 circuit classes a week and a Weight Watchers meeting on a Saturday morning.

I was skeptical of the WW meetings at first. Surely, thinking it was another weight loss scam attended by new mothers and middle aged women.

Thankfully, due to a fantastic leader I warmed to the program almost straight away. Also, the fact I could, technically, eat anything I wanted didn't hurt either.

Over 6 months I lost about 10kg and was feeling fantastic. I was not only a weight watchers convert but I was actually enjoying regular exercise, running in fun runs, and I had completely changed how I felt about food. I still struggled, like everyone, with my own vices. I had binge eating issues that I was dealing with and I was slowly culling my cupboards of all preservatives and additives.

I looked in the mirror, and while I still had a way to go, I liked what I saw.

Then I went away for a work conference. I went to the gym on the first day and I tracked, but slowly things slipped out of my control. By the end of the weekend I felt bloated and horrible and I had put on 3 kgs.

I lost most of that but then it was my birthday. Then Christmas and a trip to Dublin and Paris. Then I broke up with my long term boyfriend. Then I got sick. Then my mum went to hospital.

The fact I have only put on 4.3kgs is amazing to me. I felt like all the good work I had done was coming unravelled. All those months of forming good habits, down the drain.

But that's not the case, of course. Sure, some things have crept back in but I know something now I didn't know a year ago. I know what works.

I know what my triggers are, I know what I should and shouldn't be eating. I know what I can get away with. I know what exercise I like and don't like. I know how far I can push my body.

So I'm back at weight watchers meetings. I love my meetings and my leader, Andy. I'm inspired to the point that I'm thinking the meeting I made with a psychiatrist to discuss my binge eating might not be necessary.

So I'm making myself a promise. I'm answering Bitch Cakes call to dedication. I will go to every single WW meeting I can. If I'm away for a weekend I will weigh in early at a city meeting. If I'm unexpectadly sick I will weigh in late. I will not miss another meeting because if I have to go to a meeting for the rest of my life, it will be worth it.

This is my goal, for now. And below, my weekly goals.

Weekly Goals

Follow my food plan: I have already planned and tracked all my meals for the next week. I have almost all the ingredients I need for all my meals - some are even already cooked and in the freezer. All I need to do is follow the plan

Follow my exercise plan: As with food, I have planned all my exercise for the week. All I want to do is stick to it. I don't plan to push myself hard or give it 110%. All I plan is to get out of bed and do it. Today was my first circuit in well over a week. I took it easy (still have a terrible cough) but I'm so proud I did it. Strength will come in time and I'll be able really push myself physically, but for now, the challenge is getting out of bed.

Water, water, water: The one area I have severely fallen off the wagon. I used to drink litres a day but now, I barely manage more than 3 small glasses - and that's on a good day. I will drink 8 glasses of water daily and track it in my online tracker.